Random thoughts about the kids… Yesterday they hang on the arm of a friend who came to visit us and called him “daddy”. They miss their father. It is natural and they have to go through this. There are a lot of things that my kids have to go through that other kids will never have to.
Every day they do what they do best. They play, learn and enjoy people and things around them. This is the secret sauce for the rest of their lives, they just have to do things that they do best. They are also growing to be strong; strong means not needing or desiring anything. Not being slaves to their desires and wants, and walking away easily from people and things they love is what I am trying to give them. My daughter showed it to me when she was 3 y.o. but I was not open enough to really learn it then. I remember that at her school (at Bing at Stanford) her teacher used to say that when she would like to play with another kid and that kid would say “no”, she would just walk away and play by herself what she wanted. Truly enjoying it. This is what kids do naturally, but we as adults forget it.
Sometimes my kids ask for a reward for behaving well or for doing something. And I tell them that there are no prizes, and we agree that it is fine. What I do not tell them is that by living the life they live, by learning to not desire anything, by focusing on doing what they do best (play and learn), and by learning to walk away easily from what they love, they are becoming the prize.
They are too young to tell them this in words and convey the true meaning. They should never live for a prize or expect any reward, and later on they will know that by being who they are they are the prize. They are the prize for any person dealing or knowing them. And for me too.
If I have to write in bullet-points what I am giving my kids, here is the list
- Focus on doing what you do best.
- Do not want, desire or ask for anything.
- Be ready to walk away easily from people or games, even if you love them.
- Never work for a prize. Live by the three points above and know that you are the prize.
Nothing is simple or perfect. Raising two kids is no exception. But it is not difficult either, mostly because I believe in what I give them, more than that, I am passionate about it.
Yesterday night I found a note next to my laptop. Handwritten in pencil by Lorena’s hand . It said, “You are my best friend.”