There are all these different silences in my life now…

The silence between me and my ex-husband who is getting married again tomorrow. The silence of dull pain of not caring. Like a slow motion picture. That hurts slowly and over time without visibly hurting. And you can’t say anything about it, because at any given moment it all looks perfectly fine.

The silence between me and a friend who stopped being a friend because his words were neither true nor kind. The silence of not sharing, the silence of shutting up. No words are necessary where human touch has vanished… there will be unavoidable emptiness for a long while.

The silence between me and a man from Palo Alto I dated for the past months. It was good but it became motionless. We both were into the pursuit of our companies. Slowly and naturally, liking each other, we felt into delicate silence… we both liked flowers.

The silence between me and another man… A pure fantasy. Still truer than anything else that is tangible and real. The silence that wakes me up at nights. The silence that comes from within. Like a secret. Like a smile. Across the ocean. Into unknown continent.

As I am driving on a highway by myself I fall into silence. It is late at night. And I have been drinking wine with my friends. And now all I can feel is silence. The beauty of the night and silence.

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