It is almost midnight. It is August, but it is cold and cloudy. This is the coldest summer in Barcelona as far as my memory goes.
My daughter drew a picture of a dog. And the drawing is lying on my bed. She did not know how to draw the dog’s tail, thus it looks like a little Christmas tree. The dog is brown and the tail is green.
I got my son a pair of new shoes today. The light brown shoes are on the top of the big red suitcase. He needs to leave a pair of spare shoes at school. Size 31, one size bigger than he is wearing right now. Looking at these shoes that are one size bigger than needed makes me feel lonely.
The violin music is playing in the other room. The windows are open and the fresh night air is coming from the balcony. I think about the kids and their friends. And then I think that it is ok to feel lonely sometimes. There is a beautiful sad song that I like, but I do not want to remember it now. I tell myself not to sing its words.
There are two sleeveless jackets. New. I just cut off their labels. Those are for the kids, they will use them in California… California sounds like home, but also feels very far away.
I broke my nails packing the suitcases.
I am moving away from my family again. Moving apart from my ex-husband. It was a good relationship that lasted thirteen years. However it feels like no relationship exists, nor existed for a long while. It is good to leave something that was just an object.
This is a weird month. A weird year. I have been going to sleep really late. Working at nights with the windows open. Sometimes I think I am trying to remember a poem or a song I have forgotten.